I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
