the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
