wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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