FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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