Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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