So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
