she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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