I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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