Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
