Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
