put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
