Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
