So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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