Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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