you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
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The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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