It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
