Please, let me fuck your mom
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
