The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
