Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
