it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
