why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
