he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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