just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
