dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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