she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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