Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize