so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
