Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
