dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
