Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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