Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
