The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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