I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
