At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
