I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
