Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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