My friends, they love my intelligence
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Are my feet made of real feet?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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