They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
