Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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