omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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