Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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