p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize