my sisters under your porch take her home
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
