just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
