He had one of those small greek statue penises
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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