I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
