Will you blow on my dice?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize