Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
