I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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