Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
