VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
