After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
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I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
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I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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