you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
