You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
