Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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