There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
