dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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