peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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