if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
