I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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