I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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