There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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