after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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