Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
