hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
God, I missed his penis.
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