end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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