party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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