I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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