First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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