Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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