No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
