yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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