I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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