So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
