Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
